Learning to Breathe
by SunshineandSparkles
Summary: They're more alike than either of them want to admit. A war brought them together through the cruelest and vilest of ways. Considered to be outsiders because of their past, two people form a companionship while dealing with their broken souls together.
1. Alive

**Author's Note:** First time writing Harry Potter and actually sharing it with other people. I normally write for myself and absolutely no one else gets to read it (because it's mostly junk). However, this story was different when I started it and here I am.

A special thanks to my beta, EatSleepReadWriteRepeat for making sure I didn't write too crazy or anything.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money from this work of writing.

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CHAPTER ONE

ALIVE

The sun was setting as Headmistress Minerva McGonagall finished writing the final draft of the letter she was intent on sending before the day was done. She had spent most of the afternoon rewording the letter, trying to sound urgent but not making it seem like she was putting a lot of pressure on the recipient. The recipient after all had vanished from the wizarding world completely since the final battle against Voldemort; now was a time to coax the woman out of hiding instead of getting the only connection to her cut off.

Minerva sighed as she finally penned her name at the bottom of the parchment. She flicked her wand and watched as it folded itself up and gently found homage in an envelope. "I sure hope this works." Was her only response as she tied the envelope to her trusted owl. "Go on. You know the way." She urged bitterly.

Sitting back at her large desk Minerva began to think about the events that had played out leading to the final time she had seen the woman she desperately wanted to come back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Minerva was standing near Molly Weasley when her eyes caught sight of a former student. She watched as the young woman who even from a distance looked like she had aged more years than she should have darted up and down the rows of bodies as if she was looking for someone in particular. Before she was about to excuse herself to go talk to her former student, Minerva was pulled into a tearful hug by Molly. The movement in itself had caused Minvera to lose sight of the woman she was wishing to speak with and had no choice but to continue to console Molly and the others around them.

It was a time of mourning. There had been an uncountable amount of deaths in the last several months leading up to the final battle; it was simply impossible to not have been affected. Whether it was old professors, not-so-great-of-friend classmates, friends, neighbors, or family, every person was affected.

The woman Minerva had seen wasn't excluded from the mourning. Though she was void of emotion on her face, the woman was filled with regret, anger, and fury; it was her own way of mourning. When the search for the one she needed to see failed in the Great Hall she left, intent on finding his body if it was the last thing she did. She had stayed alive long enough to help fight, and now that she was alive after the fact she wanted to make sure there was still a reason to live. It wasn't a want anymore, it was a need. If he was dead, and she knew very well that he was most probably dead, then she wouldn't fight against the universe anymore, she'd find someone to kill her if she couldn't do it herself.

He was her last chance at survival. She needed to know, one way or another, with her own eyes if he was still alive.

A small group of men were heading up a few floors to bring down some injured folks and she tagged along behind them, unable to keep up with their pace she allowed herself to lag behind farther and farther. Every corner they turned there was something within that reminded them of the events that had just taken place. Blood was found here and there; missing spots in the wall where curses had hit when their target was missed; in some places whole parts of the corridor had been taken out like an explosion had occurred and they had to levitate pieces of debris away to get through to the other side.

They eventually had swept the remainder of the castle for any other living souls when she descended the stairs. She quickened her pace as much as she could with her injured foot when she saw familiar black robes at the foot of the stairs. Her logical mind was telling her not to get her hopes up but something in her gut knew it was the man she was looking for. A few stairs away she slowed before she joined him at the bottom though she knew that she had been heard already.

It was strangely quiet at the foot of the stairs, almost as if neither of them were breathing. "You're alive." He spoke just as loud as he knew she could hear him.

She didn't reply at first as she eyed the people come in and out of the poor school building, none of them paying any attention to their near silent encounter. "So are you." She murmured, still neither of them were facing each other.

His hair was disheveled, ratted in the back with a bit of blood beginning to dry on his scalp and his black cloak was stained with blood and torn. He was missing a shoe. None of it bothered him though, he was in a state of shock wondering how he was still alive. How the woman beside him was still alive and walking when all odds pointed her in the direction of death the last time he had seen her.

"I tried to come back for you." His voice was still quiet but was now softer than she had ever heard it before.

She was quick to reply. "I know you did." She paused. "We're alive." She reminded.

He let out a slow deep sigh in return. There weren't words to explain the thoughts in his head.

"You should probably find your shoe, sir." She said with a smirk after a couple of minutes of silence. She had no intention of letting him respond and she left, leaving him standing there unsure of what to do or say at that moment.

He had no idea that those few moments at the foot of the stairs were going to be the last that he saw of her for years.


	2. Anything But Normal

**Author's Notes:** Thank you to those who favorited, followed and reviewed chapter one of this story. It made this past week a lot better knowing I have someone interested in my writing.

A special thank you to EatSleepReadWriteRepeat for being my beta again.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the wonderful and very talented J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money for this work of writing.

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CHAPTER TWO

ANYTHING BUT NORMAL

Since the arrival of the confirmation letter from their guest arriving at five o'clock sharp on that particular Thursday, Minerva had been in a better mood. She wasn't in a happy mood per say, considering that it had taken nearly two months since she sent her letter of request in the first place for this meeting to finally occur. Regardless, the Headmistress was pleased of the arrival of their guest, due in a few minutes time.

The door leading into Minerva's office opened and then slammed shut.

"Thank you for being here this morning, Severus." She allowed a small smile to take place on her face for just a few moments. He grunted in response before he sat down across from her at the desk.

"I wonder, has she outgrown her old habits of being late?" He inquired, though he definitely wasn't expecting a response. Minerva eyed Severus over the tops of her glasses. He rolled his eyes.

A few moments later the fire changed colors and their guest was standing before them. Minerva jumped up, surprised that the woman they had been expecting had actually made it. She had been very doubtful the days leading up to this moment that she would be successful after all. "Miss Graham, you made it!"

The woman was straightening herself up and wiping away soot that wasn't really there, while she tried not to get sick on the Headmistress's feet. It really was a miracle that the Headmistress still had clean shoes. "I stay true to my word, Professor." She replied with a feeble smile as she finally stood up as tall as she could. Fighting against the pain she felt in her body she was distracted enough not to notice the potions master in the room.

"I think it's best if Miss Graham takes a seat." Severus interjected. In moments he was standing beside the younger woman to help her to the nearest chair. He wasn't a blind man; he could see the damage she was going through. Her skin was paler than it ever had been; she was thin, frail even. And strangest of all, her hands were cold even though she was very clearly covered in thick layers of clothes, despite the fact that it was the middle of June.

Minerva called for tea as they sat there. Severus listened as Minerva pleaded her case to the young woman and continued to profusely thank her for finally meeting with her. He watched the frail woman carefully, noticing how she limited her movement for the most part, almost as if she was in immense pain if she moved.

"Severus!" He heard Minerva call. He snapped his head to attention and peered at the woman. "Anything you'd like to add?"

He could feel two sets of eyes on him. "Hogwarts would be very lucky to have Miss Graham on staff." His voice drawled out.

Minerva turned back to the young woman sipping tea. "Well? What do you say, Victoria Graham, are you joining us this fall?"

Slowly lowering her tea from her mouth, Victoria shook her head lightly. "No." She replied simply. She watched as Minerva's eyes widened in temporary shock and then narrowed in frustration.

"If you don't mind my asking, Victoria: why not?" Had this situation been a few years previously, Victoria wouldn't have spent this long with either Minerva or Severus, especially now that they were in deliberation mode. She would have agreed to the simple terms of whatever they wanted, just to get out of their eyesight, and whatever potential verbal lashing she might have encountered from the potions master. But mostly just the piercing eyes of Minerva McGonagall.

But things had changed. There had been a war, that itself was something that Victoria couldn't forget no matter how hard she tried. The war had changed her. She wasn't the same person as she had been before.

She took a deep breath in, though it hurt like hell to do such a simple thing, and made her response. "I have very little desire to come back to Hogwarts. I'm reminded too much of what happened whenever I'm here, and I don't have the qualifications to teach students magic to begin with. I only came today so you'd stop sending your owl nearly as often." The old Victoria would have never said such words to the woman sitting before her. Knowing Minerva she would continue to owl Victoria on a regular basis regardless of today's outcome.

"That's where you're all wrong!" Minerva exclaimed in a huff. She stood from her seat and began to pace. "You have more than enough experience to teach." She began after she calmed down a bit. The last thing she wanted now was to scare Victoria off now that the young woman had come out of hiding.

Victoria made to interrupt her but the only sound coming out of her mouth was a strangled sort of noise. Minerva looked at both Severus and Victoria. "How you two survived, I have no idea. You've each done so much and I know it's difficult but just think of what you can teach us."

Severus was uncomfortable now, more so than he had been when Victoria arrived. He was on his feet and put several feet between himself and Victoria. He felt guilty and the last thing he wanted was Minerva to drag him in like this to make her stay. If she wanted to stay that was going to be on her own accord, or so Severus hoped that would be the case. The years since he had last seen her had been void of any contact with her, with the exception of news relayed from Minerva. There was a reason she had stayed out of contact and fell off the grid, and Severus respected that enough to not attempt prying.

The room was quiet. "Professor, what would you like me to teach? How to keep mentally strong while being tortured at wand point? Or, better yet, how to talk oneself into living when the pain gets too much, when the likelihood of your family being alive is near nonexistent?" Severus let out a deep breath and turned to face the wall, afraid to let Minerva see how much Victoria's words were affecting him. He wasn't in Victoria's sight and he was thankful for it because he knew the all too familiar cold eyes that would be looking at him.

"I…I am so sorry, Vicky." Minerva softly apologized to the woman. She had been taken aback by how forceful and loud her words were. Victoria Graham had never been a loud woman, or at least she hadn't been when Minerva had taught her. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you." She tried again.

Again the room went quiet. "Go on, Professor. What would you like me to teach?" Victoria questioned.

Severus had turned back around to face Minerva. He slowly shook his head as if trying to rely to the Headmistress it was a bad idea to forge onward with their plan, with her plan. "Defense Against the Dark Arts." She said as she sat back down.

Victoria's joyless and harsh laugh filled the room. "Defense Against the Dark Arts? Surely you've got someone else you can call in." Victoria said as she shook her head and stood up as quick as she could manage without knocking the wind out of herself with such quick movements.

"Miss Graham. Not so fast." Severus interjected as Minerva began again.

"You're our last option!" Minerva threw at her as Victoria attempted to make her way to the fireplace, intent on returning to her quiet home.

Victoria stopped briefly to look back at Minerva who had risen again from her chair. "Oh, please. This is just some sort of attempt to get me back so you'll send me to the nut house and get locked up!" Victoria nearly screamed.

In the short seconds following Victoria's loud remark Severus could tell that something was not right. He instantaneously moved near her and put out his left hand in front of her silently willing her to take it. Just as she was about to reach for his hand to help balance herself, she swayed to the side before letting out a scream and collapsing.

Severus, being as close as he was, caught Victoria before she fell to the ground. He carefully lowered them both to the ground. In a cradling position he held her as her body began to shake uncontrollably. He found himself rocking them back and forth as he muttered the first calming spells that came to his mind under his breath.

Unaware that Minerva had sent to get Poppy he continued his movements until Victoria's body went limp in his arms. Had it not been for her chest still rising and falling Severus would have been in more of a panicked state when Minerva arrived with Poppy in tow.

"Severus, is she alive?" Minerva asked. At first he didn't respond until she put a hand on his shoulder and asked again. "Severus?"

"No, she's alive." He confirmed. But the pain is killing her slowly. "I think she overexerted herself with traveling." He added on.

Victoria's eyes started to flutter open. Severus held his breath unknowingly as she brought her eyes into focus. For a brief moment she looked directly into Severus' eyes. "Don't call me Vicky." She managed to say over Severus' shoulder to Minerva.

"Let's get her down to the hospital wing." Poppy said lightly as she moved forward with her wand raised.

Victoria's body tensed up and she looked up at Severus. "No." He told the healer. "Lower the wand and back away." Severus commanded without breaking his eye contact with Victoria. "We'll move when she's ready." He confirmed.

A little over an hour later Victoria was allowing Severus and Minerva to levitate her down to the hospital wing. She knew that Poppy wasn't thrilled about being told to stand down from helping but at this point Victoria didn't care. Her energy levels were so low she wanted nothing but to sleep, the last thing on her mind was trying to please anyone.

They got her settled into a hospital bed and Poppy promptly left when Severus gave her a quick glance. Minerva stood at the foot of the bed and peered up at Victoria. "I think it's safe to say that we think you need to stay here for a few days." She carefully spoke.

"I'll be fine." Victoria argued. Severus grunted in disagreement and then looked at Minerva. "I'll stay here under three conditions. No one uses magic on me unless I specifically give my consent. All incantations will be spoken. The lights stay on."

Minerva nodded her head. "We can manage that, Victoria."

Before leaving, Minerva exchanged a few words to Severus that Victoria couldn't quite hear. She thought she heard something about putting up wards in the hospital wing but she couldn't be completely sure.

She was fighting the energy exhaustion when the doors snapped shut after Minerva. With her barely opened eyes she watched as Severus took a seat on the next bed over. "She dragged you into this, didn't she?" Victoria asked.

He had crossed his arms and was looking directly at her with an intense stare. "When the woman wants something done she won't stop badgering." He replied with an eye roll. They fell into a silence.

"What do you think, Snape?" She asked, letting her head rest on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling.

Severus couldn't help but smirk. "Since when did my opinions matter to you, Graham?" He questioned back.

"You're the only one who has any idea what I went through. Do you want me to kill myself while leaving because this beating around the bush is really old and tiring?" She countered.

There was silence again.

"I think it would be beneficial to you if you stayed at Hogwarts." Severus finally voiced. When Minerva had cornered him one day after breakfast and asked him to help find Victoria the only reasoning he had to let Minerva continue to badger him was to see what shape Victoria was in.

Victoria hadn't checked in St. Mungo's after the battle. In fact, there wasn't even any record of a Victoria Graham at St. Mungo's. Her injured foot that Severus remembered seeing as she left him at the foot of the stairs that day was healed by Victoria herself. It was apparent though after seeing her for the first time since the final battle that Victoria had not been successful at healing herself completely. It was something Severus had thought about for a while. At least if she was at Hogwarts, he could help in her recovery or at the very least if she denied his help to make sure she wasn't getting worse.

Her head slowly turned so her left cheek was resting against the pillow. She looked at him for a moment. "Why didn't you try finding me?"

It was a valid question and one she had wanted answering for a long time. She wasn't happy about the idea of living at Hogwarts and teaching. It scared her. It scared her just like the thought of asking for help. She couldn't fight the demons of her mind that were making her paranoid. Sure the Death Eaters had been disbanded and most were in wizard prison and the likelihood that any of them coming after her again was minimal. Her mind was always on alert and she didn't trust anyone.

The one that she did have a little trust in was sitting there a few feet away from her. She was still scared of asking for help. Not because Severus Snape had been a spy in the war. Not because he was skilled in the Dark Arts. She was scared because she was still living a nightmare and even the slightest touch made her uneasy let alone a wand poking and prodding.

They both knew that whatever was going on with her was something far worse than any of the Order members could imagine. They also both knew that the only one who would have any idea on how to heal her was him. But the problem was simple, he wasn't going to help unless she allowed him and clearly that was the difficult problem they needed to address first, because she was still suffering in silence in front of him.

"You told me once that if you wanted help, you would figure out how to get it yourself." He exhaled. She tried to catch his eyes but he refused to look at her.

"That was during the war, Snape."

He nodded his head. "Yes, yes it was."

Silence again.

"Go on. Tell me." She pushed impatiently. "Why didn't you look for me?"

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. "Because why would you want help from me when I was one of them that tortured you?"

Victoria sat up and threw the covers to the side so she could turn herself and let her legs dangle off the side of the bed. She was facing Severus and she fought to keep his eyes trained on her.

"It wasn't your fault, Severus." They both knew that had Severus refused to follow his instructions and torture her, they would have both been killed. Victoria wasn't a war hero in the end in the slightest; that was Severus. He had been working with the Order longer than she had and kept information flowing when he could. Severus dead wouldn't have helped the Order at all.

"No! It was." He snarled as he stood up quickly. He walked to the other side of the wing and paced. "Your young brain can't get the facts through. I was the one that suggested you as our next target." Victoria was standing now too.

"Oh, no! Don't you play that almighty "you're young and dumb" card on me, Severus! Do I need to remind you how I escaped?" She snapped at him.

"You're acting like I'm a saint." He threw back at her.

"You're far from a saint, you prat!" She yelled back.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're unbelievable." He sneered.

"You better believe it dungeon bat! I'm alive!" She sneered back.

They fell into a silence as they stared at each other, daring the other to speak again.

After what felt like an eternity they both looked away from each other. "Get back in bed. Poppy will be even more furious if she finds you out of bed." He told her. She silently agreed and climbed back into bed.

"I'm not done." She told him evenly.

He rolled his eyes at her. "I'm starting to miss the quiet Victoria Graham, even though she was never on time to class." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I really should get home." She sighed. Her fingers found the edge of the heavy blanket and began to pick at it. "I need to get home." She said resolutely as she made to throw the blankets back again.

Severus stopped her this time by placing his hands on hers. "We both know that's not going to happen." He said gently. "You're safe here."


End file.
